Change… BRING IT!

Have you ever come to a point in your life where the urge for change becomes impossible to ignore?  Where the thought of your life being completely turned upside down (in a good way, of course) thrills you with uncontainable excitement?  When you no longer fear the unknown that change inevitably brings, but rather embrace the endless possibilities of what could be?

I. AM. THERE!!  And it is liberating!

See, I’ve gone and gotten myself in a rut.  Actually, I’ve been here for a while now. Somehow I’ve managed to ignore that little nagging in my gut and I’ve just became, well, stagnant.  Nothing good comes from being stagnant.  Its like perpetually riding the fence between two roads, never actually choosing a direction.  But something inside of me is shifting.  I have felt it slowly stirring, becoming harder to ignore with each passing day.  And now… now it has reached a full-on boil!

I am craving change with a passion that I’ve never experienced before.  Its time for a major life remodel.  No more mediocrety.  No more sittin on the fence.  That means, not just serving God, but serving with purpose.  That means, boldly walking through the doors as they open, without fear.  That means, trusting that God will have my back when those doors open and fill in the gaps as need be.  That means, I may feel like I’m upside down for a minute, but sometimes we need to be turned upside down.

Its time to hang up the regrets!  Instead I’m going to sew my heart back onto my sleeve, and add a patch for my dreams too.  Live my life with passion and purpose, and vow that once I walk through an open door, that I will NEVER LOOK BACK.

Who’s coming with me??

Life Lessons Per Moi

I’ve learned that life does not always go the way you expect it to.  What doesn’t bend will break, so you have to be flexible, learn the lessons as they come, and make the best of each situation.

I’ve learned that all of my ideals on parenthood prior to actually being a parent were laughable… you cannot possibly understand what you will face until you are there.  And even then, it changes daily.

I’ve learned that I cannot try to write in someone else’s voice.  For it to be good and real and authentic, I must use my own voice, my own style, from my heart.  The reader always knows when its fake.

I’ve learned that music, truly good music, transcends all time… culture… and age.  Good music is good music, period.  That goes for art and fashion too.

I’ve learned that a smile speaks all languages.

I’ve learned that if you neglect to feed your soul in the same way that you feed your body, you will eventually suffocate.

I’ve learned that people aren’t perfect and when you stop expecting them to be perfect, you will be free.  We are called to love others right where they are.

I’ve learned that when you shut your heart off from loving, for whatever reason, you are the one that will suffer.  Keep your heart open to give and receive love.  It’s the most precious gift that we possess.

I’ve learned… no, I BELEIVE that although the world has become darker, it is filled with far more good people than bad.

I’ve learned that life is precious and I want to live it to its fullest!

Confessions of a Once Broken Heart

Love hurts sometimes

It can turn you inside out and upside down

Until you don’t recognize the person in the mirror

It can make you bitter

And scared to love again

But we are created to love

Love connects us

Love fulfills us

Love heals the broken

Love awakens hope

Love breaks down walls and peels away pain

Love rejuvenates the spirit

So love

Love like you mean it

Love with all you have

Love even when you’re scared

Love the lovable and unlovable alike

Love like you’ve never been hurt

Love without expectation

Just love

The Artist Within

My grandpa affectionately named the house Hawk Hill because of the majestic hawks that were always gliding over the tree tops.  My grandparent’s home was a stunning 3-story, Frank Lloyd Wright-esque abode, surrounded by forest, high atop a hill overlooking the Ohio River.  The entire front of the house, all three stories, was solid glass, presenting a magnificent panoramic view.  It had a long, winding, serpent like driveway that was treacherous in the winter.  In the second turn of the drive, there sat a curious, one room cottage-like shack that had been there since long before my grandparents had purchased the land.  It was engulfed by foliage and I was always boggled by its presence, but it was charming none-the-less.

The house, though, was an artist’s dream and I was surrounded by artists.

My Gram was my biggest influence.  Her art studio was on the first floor of their home, looking out at the scenery.  Her isle, alongside Skipper the Attack Cat (I’ll tell you about him later), bathed in the sunlight that poured in from the huge windows.  The space was filled with paintings, sketches and pottery everywhere you looked.  And there were art supplies in every nook and cranny.  Gram even had a kiln!  The kiln may have been my favorite part of Gram’s house.

Growing up, I always looked forward to visiting.  I would sit in Gram’s studio and create for hours.  I’d paint and draw and make little clay critters, and Gram would fire for me.  She still has some of those creations, by the way.  I aspired to be an artist, but I wouldn’t dare call myself an artist.  That term, in my mind, was reserved for the best of the best, which did not include me.  I was after all surrounded by some amazing artists.

When I reached high school I took every art class imaginable.  I had a drawing teacher named Dr. Miller (he took the “Dr.” part very seriously), who is still to this day the most ridged artist I’ve ever met.  He made the most fluid of techniques a technical process.  I did learn a lot from him, though.  Still, I couldn’t call myself an artist.  I went on to complete a degree in graphic design and work in the field.  Still I struggled to say, ‘I am an artist.”

Now in my thirties, and using design in every aspect of my job and personal life, I’ve finally gotten to a place where I am able to claim the title.  I am an artist!  We all are, in one form or another.  We are born to create… design… invent… build… and imagine.  Thank goodness, I finally figured it out!  Now, to convince my 8 year old that she is also an artist.   I wonder if my Gram ever questioned whether she was an artist… I’ll have to ask her.

My grandparents have now retired to Florida.  My Gram still has an art studio, though scaled down, where she creates every day.  Each time I visit, I raid her studio for art.  She graciously lets me take anything that I can get on the plane, which sometimes is a lot!  I need a bigger house for all of the artwork that I have acquired.

And, I’m sure you’re wondering about Skipper the Attack Cat…  Skipper was a stray that made himself at home when my grandparents moved into that house on the hill.  This cat was one bad dude.  He was from the streets.  He would leave for days at a time and then come home with part of his ear missing, or with a bad limp.  I always imagined him with a cartoon bubble above his head saying, “Yeah, you should see the other guy.”   They say cats have nine lives, I think he had 27.  Skipper scared me!  He had no alliances, except for maybe Grandpa.  We had to tiptoe by him as kids, because if you ran, or even walked too fast past him, he would literally attack, thus his name.  I think every one of us grandkids got a claw in the calf at least once!  I think maybe that’s why I am more of a dog person.

Gram in her studio painting a picture of my daughter

Gram in her studio painting a picture of my daughter.